Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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