i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i think im in europe. pls send help
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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