Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
