You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
