im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
