i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize