in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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