Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My underwear smells like fireworks.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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