my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
