So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
