Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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