Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
