y did u give ur computer a hand job?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
