dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
