Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize