Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
