I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
