I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
bring money and cleavage
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
