ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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