i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
