I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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