mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm like, not good at living.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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