if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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