I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
