Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
