So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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