why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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