FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
