Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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