K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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