I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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