Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
