Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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