So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
