I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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