STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
