Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
