There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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