I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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