just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
