A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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