Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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