You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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