I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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