Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
