thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
