so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
