I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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