I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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