Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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