Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
