I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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