I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
