one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
