does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
