I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
