so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do vagina's smell?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
