If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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