'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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