I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
