Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
