i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
false alarm, still single
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize