My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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