I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
