for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
