he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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