2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize